Tea + Lemon

Misery Is The New Black

2010-03-07T01:03:00.000-08:00

Opinion article for 4th issue of the school newspaper, published on 3/5.

I'm simply reposting it here because I wrote it with the general theme of this blog in mind. Here goes... Thanks for reading.

---

The girl next to you got five hours of sleep last night. The one on your other side claims to have had three. But – wait for it – the guy right in front of you didn’t go to sleep at all! Just don’t make the fatal mistake of mentioning that you got a full eight hours. Let’s face it: misery is the new black.

This year, more than ever before, I have been conscious of the transformations of what is cool. Besides the current association of listening to mainstream music with living under a rock, you may feel the same way if you have the nerve to express happiness at school.

Working and playing in a high-pressure environment where grades and an over-booked schedule are the highest marks of success, it may feel that anything less than being overwhelmed is cheating. Not putting in enough effort. No pain, no gain. Complaining about stress could have been named the newest sport at the Winter Games, and I would not have been surprised.

However, I do believe there are some secretive members of our society who wake up with a smile and truly think things will go well for once. They may work to take care of themselves, avoiding Facebook in favor of sleeping, and simply relaxing during extra help. That personality profile seems rare, but it is all the more reason to preserve them. The games we play suppress those people and contribute to a negative atmosphere that only ensures a cycle of stress.

I think the problem lies in our definition of success. How differently would we act if we held pure, unadulterated happiness at its core, rather than a 4.5 GPA?

I challenge you to find out. Today or tomorrow, when someone asks you how your day is going at lunch, hold back the vitriol. Tests are nothing new, and complaining without action only stalls you in the past. Instead, borrow a Monty Python schtick: “always look on the bright side of life.” Talk about what went well with your weekend. Make plans to do something amazing. Smile.

Being happy-go-lucky will not be a panacea for your problems, but pessimism will not save you from them either. I truly believe that happiness is a choice, and optimism is the method by which you can attain it.

If you can laugh about your mistakes and place faith in the possibility of improvement, I think you will at least feel less pressured, if not actually find constructive solutions for your issues. Open your mind; enjoy your life. As Oscar Wilde said, “life is too important to be taken seriously.”

Vestigial Freedom

2010-02-28T19:03:00.001-08:00

Driving alone has the potential to be the highlight of some days for me.

No matter if I have to check in with my mom about getting somewhere safely. No matter if I am only running errands.

I actually get a lot of strange looks from other drivers. It seems that they think I am either (a) too young to be driving, or (b) crazy for singing along to the songs I blast. But it is the exact feeling of seeing their faces and not giving a damn that is so liberating.

If you think about it, driving is an extremely public act, full of judgement. But when you sit at the wheel and call the shots (err turns), it doesn't matter as long as you're not endangering anyone else.

Wait... was that just a cliché metaphor for life I just made? You bet.

Call the shots, for yourself alone. It's freeing.

2010-02-24T21:51:00.000-08:00

I started this blog to depart from another I started, where I felt forced into a topical niche. Here, I feel forced into a writing kind of thing. And I love writing here. But it disrupts my theme going on when I post cute, tumblr-y images. Everyone knows tumblr is the place for thoughtlessness & glittery, cliché images with hipster sayings. So, now, I'm creating a totally thoughtless blog, too:

http://29lives.tumblr.com

Do not look there for any signs of intelligence or thought-provoking ideas. I'll probably reblog images, occasionally post photos, quotes, random phrases, who knows. I'm not going to think about it. I'll save the coherent stuff for here. I am clearly OCD for refusing to mix content.

Drawn.

2010-02-23T11:05:00.000-08:00

Found.

2010-02-21T18:17:00.000-08:00

Still Not Enough - Part 1

2010-02-16T21:17:00.001-08:00

Today, I was inspired to come up with a "Bucket List" of 100 things I ~~want~~ need to do before I die. I know, I know. I tried to come up with 29 things to do before my 16th birthday this past December, and I barely achieved any, but hey - a lifetime allows a lot more leeway for procrastination and a lot more opportunities for pure audacity.

Here are the first 50 (bold ones are completed):

---

1. Take a year off from 'real life' to travel around the world.

2. Sleep overnight in a bookstore.

3. Fall in love.

4. Be fluent in at least 5 languages.

5. Ski the Alps.

6. Live in a rural area & a huge city.

7. Kayak in the Amazon.

8. Stay in a treehouse &/or build one.

9. Climb a mountain.

10. Make 'green' a part of American values.

11. Study at the Cordon Bleu.

12. Swing dance at a jazz club.

13. Give up having a car for a year.

14. Kiss a perfect stranger.

15. Finish a marathon.

16. Act in a walk-on role on prime-time TV (Gossip Girl, anyone?).

17. Be a household name.

18. Donate $10 million to charity.

19. Give $100 to a stranger.

20. Become a published & popular author.

21. Acquire a temporary British accent.

22. Learn to play guitar.

23. Traverse an ocean on a sailboat.

24. Sit in the Oval Office.

25. Appear on Good Morning America & SNL.

26. Pull an all-nighter, stargazing.

27. Go to a TED conference.... & speak.

28. Attend SXSW.

29. Stay in a country in which I don't speak a word of the language & no one speaks English.

30. Open a hotel.

31. Be a working chef.

32. Fix the California budget crisis.

33. Dance on a rooftop.

33. Play tag in the middle of Times Square with a big group of people.

34. Dedicate a song to someone on the radio.

35. Win a lottery of more than $50.

36. Operate a cheese-making factory/farm.

37. Adopt a kid.

38. Go on a camel ride across a desert.

39. Try politics.

40. Become attached to & cheer for a football team.

41. Meet John Mayer.

42. Write for the New York Times.

43. Snowboard!

44. Backpack in the wilderness for 10 days.

45. Write letters to famous people and get responses.

46. Spend a whole month without the Internet.

47. Launch a national campaign for optimism.

48. Be completely honest for a week - not a single lie.

49. Concoct a new flavor of ice cream.

50. Discover the method to preserve a perfect memory.

2010-02-08T22:30:00.001-08:00

I think that happiness is a choice, and optimism is the method.

Oh, February!

2010-02-01T06:59:00.000-08:00

1. Where the hell did January go? That was seriously the fastest month of my life. Am I going to be one of those old ladies who tells anyone younger than 30 to savor their youth while they still have their original joints intact? Definitely.

2. Generally, I have been trying harder academic-wise in the new semester. Mac Freedom has curbed my online addiction a tiny bit, but getting a formspring - not so wise. Ask me questions, though: formspring.me/twentynin e! Teehee.

3. I feel goooood! The last part of January was a mess of being sick and not getting enough sleep and blah blah blah, but this weekend was pretty relaxing and I'm back to being happy. The 1st of the month is always a great occasion to shift perspective.

4. Valentine's Day makes me laugh, but it's almost a kind of mini-Christmas effect in February for everyone to spread some extra lovin', like my friend said.

5. "You can eat life or let life eat you." - Tahitian proverb.

Quote of the month!! Ha! [Courtesy of Jennie].

6. Things I'm excited for: Presidents' Week, growing SmartPowerEd.org, possibly starting a research project, hanging out with my friends more after school and over break, a new issue of newspaper, finding somewhere to volunteer, birthday parties, baking things, lots of good movies coming out, listening to French songs, crystal clear weather, watching 3 Idiots, and actually getting something done!!

2010-01-30T21:38:00.000-08:00

The earth cannot continue to revolve without revolt. Have a revolution. (It could be anything!) Just GO.

2010-01-28T19:31:00.000-08:00

Je suis amoureuse de la langue française.

I am in love with the French language.

The same letters look more beautiful to me in Helvetica than Times New Roman; the same letters give me a more beautiful message when arranged into French than English.

My favorite expression is one that we recently learned:

Advienne que pourra! Come what may.

Nothing new - but, in English, it sounds like an admission of defeat. In French, it sounds like a challenge.

Is it no wonder, then,

that I have a newfound obsession with the songs of Édith Piaf?

That I have a burning desire to go to Paris? [I must go.]

To love every word you speak and hear is to love living.

You could say...

2010-01-26T21:32:00.000-08:00

I don't know. // I'm going to find out.

My life fails. // This moment fails.

I don't think I can do that. // I will do that.

Tuesdays suck and chemistry sucks and I hate math-related subjects at school and I just don't understand NUMBERS and wow this week is so stressful because I have a hacking cough that makes me sound like I'm dying but the nurse doesn't believe I'm sick because I don't have a fever and I actually read Frankenstein but still got a low score on the pop quiz and everything is going wrong and I have not found my goal in life yet and this weekend won't allow any relaxation either. // Life goes on.

"It's hard to beat a person who never gives up." - Babe Ruth

Extrapolation

2010-01-24T13:21:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been very negative, and for a self-professed optimist and one who's constantly telling other people to be more positive - it's very hypocritical. That's gotta end.

My "problems": being sick; not being caught up on school work; behind in newspaper && paper coming out this week; lack of sleep; etc. Basically, being too stressed through a combination of school && self over-scheduling.

When I try to list it out, the underlying message appears, glaringly: life is good, && none of these problems are life or death situations or anything I'll even remember in two weeks. They just require a change in attitude and a little bit of care. Nothing abnormal or huge has gone wrong, and it will all work out in time. Got to change my mind to change my life.

"Life is too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

2010-01-19T20:28:00.001-08:00

I feel like I want to go run three miles. I can't get things out of my mind very easily, and I feel impatient for something, anything to start going well. When I'm pensive, I feel the impulse to run.

Fanning the Flames of Controversy

2010-01-19T18:21:00.000-08:00

1. Does doing something charitable but knowingly out of guilt decrease the value of the charity?

2. When you admit hypocrisy, does that decrease the harm of the hypocrisy?

3. Although it took me some time to start following Haiti news, no natural disaster has affected me so much as that earthquake. Not even Hurricane Katrina. I can't stop thinking about it...

4. ...yet, I continue to live my privileged life without doing anything about it.

5. I want to donate blood because I don't have money of my own. But my parents won't let me.

6. Something that irritates me a lot is when someone says that climate change activists completely shut out debates and make other people feel bad if they disagree. The fact is, hard science by world-renowned and trusted experts has decided that global warming is a confirmed, scientific phenomenon that is occurring. People who disagree with that can come into a debate armed with solid facts of their own and then they will not be shut out. Meanwhile, I would love to argue about if it's actually our generation's responsibility to do something about climate change. That is a moral and personal decision and issue, and I respect that everyone will have a different opinion. But doubting that climate change exists? Sorry, I guess I'm going to have to be irrational and stick with science on that one.

So, when someone tries to present the idea that I am not allowed to argue in a moral issue like, say, personal sacrifices on behalf of the Haitians, because I do not allow room for debate on my "issue" (the environment), I do become angry. I am not doubting that there was a factual 7.0 earthquake in Haiti that killed 200,000 people. I have my own ideas about what I have the duty to do, as an individual, and you can feel free to argue with me about those, just as I will argue with you.

7. I think in pseudo-philosophical debates, we look for nice resolutions all too often. "Are you mad at me?" is a question that undermines the nature of a debate; it creates the effect that two people who disagree on an intellectual/moral issue cannot be friends or in agreement on anything else. It equates a difference in logic with a negative emotion. I prefer the idea of "Let's agree to disagree."

Henry David Thoreau

2010-01-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

"Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around."

---

Thank you so much to all of my friends and family who made my 16th birthday party super sweet! I am lucky to have you.

Patterns

2010-01-14T19:27:00.000-08:00

I read something about using the new year as a chance to examine your patterns - the cycles you lock yourself into, whether you know it or not. I've realized that I have a pattern of procrastinating until 7:30 every night, no matter when I get home. It's really bad, but hopefully realizing this will help me move on. It's 7:28 right now, and if I start my work at 7:29, call it progress! :)

Happy New Decade!

2010-01-01T23:13:00.000-08:00

Why, hello! Yes, indeed, I have purchased exorbitantly expensive internet on a boat to welcome the new year! The cost per minute speaks louder than words about my online addiction. So, let's go...

2009 was a hell of a year. It was crushingly bad and upliftingly good. Neither blow came without one straight back from the other side, but it didn't create an effect of balance, it created one of chaos. But - drum roll, please - we survived, and we're here to live up 2010 in style!

As for my style, I made what some people call a "vision board" to kick off the inspiration. It combines my resolutions for these upcoming 365 days {it suddenly feels so short}, some inspiring quotes, key words, etc.

A few explanations:

"Actionist" - if I had a business card, this is what I would want to be under my name.
In•ten•sify: concept of the year. Love something? Love it intensely. Nothing half-done.
The three large resolutions encompass everything I want to accomplish and the lifestyle I want to lead. Number three in particular - I want to isolate what I love & put everything into that. 2009 was great for exploring a billion different things, and I can keep doing that, but also a little focus would be great!
The top blue quote by Friedrich Nietzsche; the bottom blue quote by Alan Kay; the bottom black quote, a favorite toast of Alexis Ringwald's mom {who is an artist}.
Left side, Vultures by John Mayer. Saw him in concert on my 16th birthday! Thank you, parents!
Green line, bottom right - reminder for environmental work.

From my inspiration page, you can basically read my hopes && dreams for 2010. I hope to fill it with passion and love and happiness; I want it to be intense but not stressful. I will surround myself with optimistic people, because you absorb your surroundings, and I will try my hardest to be optimistic for others.

Somehow, pontificating and rambling on in this small cruise cabin, I already have a sense for the year: it will be full of huge changes -- for the better. I think it's because I'm inventing it that way; there is a reason I included that Alan Kay quote, isn't there? And that toast? Hmm, I'm sensing a theme.

To conclude, thank you to my family and friends who made 2009 amazing, and cheers to 2010! May we all invent and enact the best destinies.

Until the next vaguely woven-together post,

Daniela

Check! #19

2009-12-19T23:34:00.000-08:00

Yes... the taste of checking something off my list of 29 things is sweet.

That's right, I finally saw a really good comedy improv show. Skill + wit + general awesomeness = success. I really want to go to a workshop and try the games!

More real-life humor ensued after the show... Christmas in the Park is really nearby the venue and I was going to check off Downtown Ice as well, but it was packed with an impossibly long line to skate. Everyone pours into downtown during the holidays for all the displays and rides and bad carnival food and pretty lights. Not to mention the groups of guys standing around going "how you doing?" Do they count as my 3 new friends for item #21? Ha, I'm too young & white & sheltered.

MADE IT.

2009-12-19T13:06:00.000-08:00

No matter how well or badly we did on the finals (cough, fail), WE'RE THROUGH. Two whole weeks, stress-free and happy. :) I am so incredibly appreciative right now, and I think towards the end of this first semester I finally realized what I have to do school-wise to avoid sleeping 3 hours a night and freaking out all the time (as fun as that is). AAH, I smell 2010 resolutions!!

Heh, 10 days left of being 15. 16 is an OLD number. I looked up to 16 from 13 and considered it the start of the "older -teens"... 13, 14, 15 don't count. 16 is legit. I don't feel legit enough to be 16. I think people will still be guessing that I'm 12 when I'm 20.

On the Cusp of Liberty

2009-12-14T21:26:00.000-08:00

Repeat after me: we are all going to be okay. I am going to be okay. Repeat it.

Breathe. Convince yourself you can succeed. You can.

Note: I always dress up on the day of a final, as a form of psychological warfare against myself. If you're wearing sweatpants, how can you help being more relaxed in your work?

Jack Kerouac

2009-12-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as crazy, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

Climate Scoreboard

2009-12-04T07:22:00.003-08:00

Data Analysis

2009-12-03T21:31:00.000-08:00

I want: the weekend to be here; a better capacity for staying up late; to be better at chemistry; time to focus on what I love; a new experience; to try out yearbook; to cook something; nicer hair.

I need: sleep; help; focus.

I fear: my own laziness and lack of focus and indecision about what I'm going to do with my life; snap judgements of others; getting caught up in the moment; spiders.

I love: cold, sunny days; Red Vines; 1901 by Phoenix; inspirational posters.

This needs to stop: headaches; procrastination; chemistry class.

Inspiration: "The best way to predict the future is to invent it." - Alan Kay

Looking forward to: the WP holiday party; sleeping on the weekend; winter break; cruise to Mexico for New Year's.

Surprising things I enjoy: French class; sophomore window painting; advisory.

2009-12-01T18:34:00.000-08:00

Frank Sinatra's my kind of guy.

"Almost Like Being In Love"

"Looking at the World Thru Rose-Colored Glasses"

2009-11-28T17:32:00.001-08:00

Suck it up. You can change into anyone you want to be. Your life is under your control, not the control of your parents or teachers or circumstances. Accept these facts, and go do something. Choose to be happy. If you need help, ask for it. If you know these things, but don't take action, recognize that. If you couldn't do it today, start tomorrow. Deal with it.

Moving forward!

2009-11-27T14:08:00.000-08:00

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. - Winston Churchill

I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. - Jimmy Dean

When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your objective. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am thankful for...

2009-11-26T12:12:00.000-08:00

The serious part:

The "difficulties" of sophomore year, that I can hope will stretch me a little bit towards being able to handle the future difficulties of real life.
My friends, who, no matter how annoyingly pessimistic or optimistic I am, hang in there and support me and deal with me on a daily basis and make me happy. :)
My family - yeah, I complain a lot. But really, I love all of you and I would literally be nowhere without you. I am lucky.
All of the opportunities I have been given, either by fate, circumstance, other people, or God. I consider it my privilege and my duty to take up every single one.
Health + safety + education + food + shelter!

The less life-or-death, but just as worthy:

John Mayer + the invention of music.
Trash literature + films - New Moon, I'm lookin' at you.
Peppermint white mochas and caramel brulee lattés at Starbucks.
Wednesday long lunches!
The abundance of inspirational quotes in the world.
Newspaper late nights and how all the chaos miraculously comes together.
The internet + blogs + ample opportunity for stalking, a favorite pastime. :)
Cranberry sauce in a can! I love it.
Whole Foods grocery store... my version of Disneyland: overpriced but brings magic to my life.
Cold, sunny days.
Fonts. Yeah, that's right. Typography -- represent.
Thanksgiving itself - a secular holiday that a whole lot of the country gathers on to just be grateful, no matter our individual circumstances.
The Trader Joe's cashier in the turkey costume!
Mmm... consumerism. I'm a sucker for shopping.
Traveling! <3
Pretty magazines with fashion + travel spots + how-to's + sparkles + gloss.
Stars + full moons + meteor showers (been quite a few lately, right?).
And much, much more. :)

I wish everyone a super-happy Thanksgiving full of optimism and good food!

Goals for holiday shopping:

2009-11-25T09:58:00.001-08:00

To quote another friend, I want the recipients of my presents to be like "DAMN, I'm feelin' the love!!" when they tear apart the beautiful wrapping to discover something mind-blowingly cool.
To not get killed on Black Friday.
Unique + inexpensive.
To my newspaper Secret Santa... get ready, it's going to be some epic gift-giving. Last year, I kind of failed, so this year will be doubly awesome!
Make some sort of food to give out as well! Fudge? Caramels? Mini-bundt cakes?

All the Same

2009-11-24T20:25:00.000-08:00

No matter how you feel about religion -- I really respect people who push past their own beliefs in the name of understand each other and reminding each other that most religions share the same core philosophies: peace and compassion. It takes a lot of courage to compartmentalize your own personal convictions and set them aside to consider someone else's.

It is extremism in any form - not just religious - that is dangerous to our world. Extremists are basically narcissists who strive to conform everyone to a particular standard, even if that means harming others in their way. To me, their messages compared to their plans are akin to fighting fire with fire.

Calling all suicide bombers or Christian anti-abortionists or disruptive student protesters - find a better way. Love, not hate, will carry your message across. Sure, naiveté doesn't work in the real world, but I'm just stating how it should be... once everyone can agree on that part at least, maybe we'd be able to make some steps forward.

My bland pontification is all to compel you to read this article in the NY Times. What happens when a rabbi, a sheik, and a minister walk into a bar?

29 things before the 29th of December

2009-11-21T11:02:00.001-08:00

1. Get mehndi.

2. Send a secret to PostSecret.

2. Go to Downtown Ice.

3. Bake a whole cake from scratch.

4. Pull an all-nighter [I've done it before, but that was over the summer in Switzerland, so it didn't count].

5. Sneak out of the house in the middle of the night... and do what, I don't know. ;)

6. Use a fake name at Starbucks.

7. Sing in public.

8. Go Black Friday shopping.

9. Stage a photo shoot of something.

10. Do a random act of kindness for a complete stranger.

11. Start taking guitar lessons.

12. Read some sort of religious text.

13. Apply to write freelance somewhere... and get published.

14. Play paintball.

15. Cook at least 10 dinners.

16. Roast s'mores on the beach.

17. Read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (ew!).

18. Visit a downtown I've never been to before.

19. See an improv comedy show.

20. Watch a horror movie.

21. Make 3 new friends.

22. Record my own cover of an entire John Mayer song.

23. Buy and wear an intimidating item of clothing. Like something very sequined.

24. Get a really ridiculous nail-art manicure. Like half silver, half gold nail polish with rhinestones.

25. Plan something holiday-esque for every day of winter break and do it. [#25 Christmas coincidence, haha]

26. Redecorate my room in an epic way.

27. Give my friends presents for no reason.

28. Have a legit picnic at a park.

29. Drive without a destination and end up somewhere really interesting.

2009-11-15T23:42:00.001-08:00

7 Reasons Why Sophomores Rock

2009-11-14T13:14:00.001-08:00

1. We are clearly full of modesty and grace... what other explanation is there for the continuing survival of the freshmen out there who keep obnoxiously and literally dissing us to our faces?

2. Our "failure"? It was just a ruse. After a seemingly docile showing at spirit events up until Homecoming, everyone was expecting us to sit back and fail. They were in for a surprise... black is the color of ninjas!

3. So, yes - we came out from behind and totally beasted! We all got so riled up for the rally that we won SECOND PLACE behind the seniors. That is practically winning first!

4. I was so incredibly proud of our class during the class yell - that is where we really brought it and got FIRST place. True to our studious nature, we managed to engage the laws of sound waves by making some sort of specific formation and practically yelling in key to hit those top decibel bars.

5. Without practicing cheers during class meeting or anything, the times when we pumped our foam fingers into the air in unison yelling "SOPH-MORES" or "PULL -- PULL -- PULL" [tug-of-war] made me happy inside. Spontaneous unity = love.

6. As the underdog, we appreciate small victories and our excitement just grew every time we realized that something magical was going on. Also as the underdog, I appreciated the moment when we cheered the juniors against the freshmen in tug-of-war because the junior class wasn't even cheering for themselves.

7. We just do.

"2012 -- Black just struck back."

Sophomores: proving our class shirts true since Fall '09.

Oscar Wilde

2009-11-06T23:38:00.000-08:00

"There are many things we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up."

by Dallas Clayton

2009-11-04T07:42:00.000-08:00

Balenciaga

-----

When the water begins to rise

and your fingers are too flustered

to fasten a raft

from salvaged wood

and leftover rope

will you regret

the cumulative hours you’ve spent

the past years

looking at purses online

and wondering how many is too many?

------------------------

Doing

-----

One day

someone invented a Snickers Bar.

Just like that.

Put the last little touches into place,

smiled,

then came home and went to sleep.

-------------------------

www.dallasclayton.com

LOVE.

But I can't break through it all

2009-11-03T20:27:00.000-08:00

Good to know it's all a game

Disappointment has a name

----

I have so much respect for musicians. I want to play the guitar. I WILL play the guitar. John Mayer level by the time I'm 20. Take that.

Always accept that things will work out for a reason.

2009-11-03T18:41:00.001-08:00

1. I didn't do my programs last night for programming class and was freaking out because my maximum grade on the project would be an 83. I decided to go to sleep, though. Today, in class she says that she's extending the deadline to tomorrow morning, so I work during extra help, actually understand a little bit and have raised the max grade possibility to 95. :) No 100, but still a lot better.

2. As for that, perfection is working your hardest but also knowing when to stop.

3. I screwed up SO MUCH in the last issue of the newspaper it's unimaginable. I feel really guilty, but I am trying my hardest for this issue and I will never let anything like it happen again.

4. As for that, move on when you've made mistakes. If you're always looking backwards, then you can't see what's in front of you.

2009-11-02T18:24:00.001-08:00

Heartbreak Warfare - John Mayer

2009-11-02T16:37:00.000-08:00

Lighting strikes inside

My chest keep me up at night

Dream of ways to make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air

Bombs are falling everywhere

It's heartbreak warfare

Once you want it to begin

No one really ever wins

In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love

why don't you say so

If you want more love

why don't you say so

Drop his name, push it in and twist the knife again

Watch my face as I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air

Bombs are falling everywhere

It's heartbreak warfare

Once you want it to begin

No one really ever wins

In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love

Why don't you say so

If you want more love

Why don't you say so

Just say so

How come the only way to know

How high you get me

Is to see how far I fall?

God only knows how much

I'd love you if you let me

But I can't break through it all

It's heart, heartbreak

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight

Let's just fix this whole thing now

I swear to God we're gonna get it right

If you lay your weapons down

Red wine and ambien, you're talking shit again

It's heartbreak warfare

Good to know it's all a game

Disappointment has a name

It's heartbreak, heartbreak

It's heartbreak warfare

Happy Daylight Savings!

2009-11-01T10:09:00.000-08:00

Halloween was really fun. First year that I "made" a costume! Props to the two people who noticed we had a group theme [candy] going on. Yesterday, I think I ate more candy + cupcakes + sugar than I ever have in my entire life.

----

Whatever my mood is at the moment, if I hang out with a group of people, it is amplified and makes me feel a divide, like I am always happy when other people are sad. Or sad when other people are happy. Not always. Not even often, but sometimes.

You know what?

2009-10-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah, whatever.

You know sometimes you ask people what other people have said about you? The bad stuff? Because you think you're man enough to know? Well, don't do it. It's not worth it. It only makes you angry and question yourself and dwell too much on other peoples' opinions.

But you know what I realized through this brief experience?

There are things I do well, and I'm not going to deny them.

There are things I do terribly, and I don't cover them up.

And that's the way it should be - your only obligation is to live your life with truth. It's none of your business what other people think about you, especially when they don't think it's important enough to tell you directly.

"Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway." - Elbert Hubbard

Peace out!

Operation I.M.L.S.I.D.S.A.

2009-10-28T20:12:00.000-07:00

For those who do not have psychic acronym reading abilities, that would be Operation Improve My Life So It Doesn't Suck Anymore.

It feels like we're starting over the year. Water polo ended today (!!). 1st quarter ended last week. It got sharply colder. I like it. This is what I want. A new start - I've finally absorbed how tough sophomore year will be in comparison to the last. Hopefully, after merely surviving through a sport, I can be successful and less sleep-deprived without one.

So, some of my goals for this second quarter are:

1. Be asleep every single night by 11:30 pm.

2. Raise each of my class grades by at least 4 points.

3. Devote more time to newspaper + smart energy - at least half an hour a day to each.

4. Finish my weekend homework on Fridays, so I can relax on weekends.

5. Be open to lots of crazy experiences and remember that this is supposed to be FUN!

Not sure if they're related, but I need to both man up and find a way to organize things so I'm not procrastinating so much (read: blog-stalking) or only doing homework 24/7.

Notes to self:

- JUST DO IT! :)

“When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your objective. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." - Ben Franklin

2009-10-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

Where is the love?

Epic song.

2009-10-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

Vultures - John Mayer

2009-10-19T05:42:00.000-07:00

Down to the wire

I wanted water but I'll walk through the wire

If this is what it takes to take me even higher

Then I'll come through like I do

When the world keeps testing me, testing me, testing me

Mayo Clinic's Stress Symptoms

2009-10-18T23:24:00.000-07:00

Effects of stress ...

... On your body ... On your thoughts and feelings ... On your behavior

* Headache

* Back pain

* Chest pain

* Heart disease

* Heart palpitations

* High blood pressure

* Decreased immunity

* Stomach upset

* Sleep problems

* Anxiety

* Restlessness

* Worrying

* Irritability

* Depression

* Sadness

* Anger

* Feeling insecure

* Lack of focus

* Burnout

* Forgetfulness

* Overeating

* Undereating

* Angry outbursts

* Drug or alcohol abuse

* Increased smoking

* Social withdrawal

* Crying spells

* Relationship conflicts

Sonnet 116 - Shakespeare

2009-10-18T11:19:00.000-07:00

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

True Confessions #789

2009-10-17T23:59:00.001-07:00

I totally wish I was Indian so I could go to all these parties all the time. Happy Diwali!!

The Invention of Lying

2009-10-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

That was a really good movie!

Although made worse by the fact that the audience was unusually silent, it's a really creative and well-executed concept that makes you chuckle on the inside. You can also tell that the director is atheist. Or that's my guess.

It makes you think: None of us really go 10 minutes without lying in some form.

Really. This movie provides a lot of excellent examples of conversations in an only-truth-telling world, and here are a couple I could imagine**:

Teacher: Why didn't you do your homework?

Student: I didn't want to, because I think TV shows are more interesting than the material you teach. Honestly, I'd rather be anywhere but here right now. I don't respect you and I doodle in class. Ha!

Teacher: Well, I'm supposed to only mark you off 10% for this one late homework assignment, but I will now judge you harshly and grade all of your work an average of 5% lower now. I really don't care how well you do or if you get yelled at by your parents because I still get paid and you're being ungrateful.

Student: Fine.

----

Boy: Hey, I like you and am hoping you'll return the feeling because otherwise I will regret making a fool of myself.

Girl: Sorry, I don't like you because you are ugly and I like your friend better. You are also not very charming in the personality department, so you don't have much working for you. But I wish you luck in finding someone else.

Boy: Alright, now I feel better about myself after confirming that you suck. I only liked you because you were hot anyways.

---

***clear over dramatization and pessimism! Haha, I'm sure a lot of GOOD things would happen in an honest world, too.

Back to Square One

2009-10-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm updating my blog about why I don't update my blog. I just feel that a lot of the stuff that's important to me - you know, the minor yet overdramatized things in life - wouldn't be significant to anyone else, and would just serve to annoy everyone... but you know, this is MY blog. No one has to read. I'm writing what I want to. :)

Blog Action Day: Fire it up to cool it down!

2009-10-15T19:01:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone!

Drum roll please for today's sensation that's sweeping the nation [13+ million readers!]... Blog Action Day 2009! Whoo-hoo. In case you don't know what that is, it's an annual event where bloggers all around the world unite on one selected topic to stimulate global conversation - and this year, it's climate change. Even the White House and Gordon Brown [prime minister of the UK] blogged! One of my favorite posts led me to this link about how Google let goats graze its lawns.... HAHA. Now that's awesome.

And that's basically what I want to talk about as my contribution. Awesomeness. Lawn mowers replaced by goats? Crazy cool improvised flash mob dances in London? Tons of individuals uniting over the internet to just talk and be read for one cause, a project dreamt up by two people? That's exactly what we need to fight climate change!!

Basically, this is what we need to fight to keep our planet at a stable state for our lifetime, all things that we are very capable of:

1. Ingenuity + openness.
2. Hard work + persistence + determination.
3. Fun ways to connect with a diverse audience and show that we are not a bunch of misers out there to turn off your lights - we're fun people who're just looking to avert disaster!
4. CRAZINESS! This is a problem on a scale the world has never seen or recognized so clearly before. So the solutions have to be on the same level!

Guess who I think has all of these qualities working for them? Young people.

I am not setting out to exclude all the old people, but really. They're not going to be around. WE are. Wrap your head around that, and then tell me that global warming doesn't matter - you can survive the heat waves and typhoons, but personally, I like things more or less the way they are now, if not how they were 10 years ago.

So now that we've determined what we need and who's going to do it - we all have to join together, if only by each contributing our own individual parts, and ACT. No matter what you do, do something. In a previous post about the Governor's Global Climate Summit 2, I wrote about Dr. Pachauri's idea of simple innovation - not filling a tea kettle with more water than you need to boil because it would take more energy to boil it.

That relates to the idea of the cultural revolution. You may think that, oh, just because I leave the lights on this one time, the world's not going to change. But set yourself as the example of the world. Be the change + etc, and realize that - as Tom Friedman said - one of the signs of a true green revolution will be when the word 'green' is not in use anymore. It will not need to be said. It will just be. And you can make it be, every second, by ingraining consciousness into your own lifestyle, on even the smallest scale.

So, ladies and gentlemen, that's all for tonight, and I hope you watched the dance video. Seriously, it ROCKS. :) Have a nice day/night!

Hey, all y'all bloggers!

2009-10-14T07:00:00.001-07:00

Want to add your voice to a discussion between 11 million people?

Tomorrow's blog action day.
Be there or be square.

Spread it around.

Peace out.

Acknowledgement

2009-10-12T00:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I get completely overwhelmed by all this work that we have to do for the whole project related to the grant. In my more desperate moments, I think, "Why did I get involved with this? Someone else can deal with it."

But, that's the wrong attitude. Drops in a bucket. Ripples in a pond. I'm trying to make myself believe all of those clichéd metaphors and take it one step at a time. I know it's true - companies, organizations, movements, and successes are built up by tiny, tiny actions. Even when I feel like we're at a standstill, we HAVE to keep moving forward. 1 millimeter forwards is better than one millimeter backwards. School's just started. This is just getting off the ground. We have a long ways to go, but we can do it. Hell yeah. We can do it.

FactsAbout Me of the Day

2009-10-10T19:48:00.001-07:00

1. When I was in 5th grade, my English teacher was going to throw out a small potted plant because it looked like it had died. I protested, took it home, and started watering it. I called it my pet plant and carried it to school every day in a sand pail for about 2 months. It started growing new leaves. It died later, but I was happy.

2. When I was in 2nd grade, I desperately wanted to learn Portuguese and become president of Brazil. Right now, the only thing I know how to say in Portuguese is "I speak Portuguese."

GGCS2

2009-10-04T11:09:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, I returned from the Governor's Global Climate Summit in Los Angeles, hosted by the Terminator and attended by an INCREDIBLE delegation of governors, politicians, scientists, economists, business people, academics, and leaders from around the world. I am still rather surprised but also very grateful that Shreya and I ended up there, although the path was filled with obstacles and tons of stress.

We were fortunate to meet Schwarzenegger and explain our school's energy plan to him for 5 minutes, and spend a minute meeting Tom Friedman at a party, and then hearing them both speak amazingly at the closing luncheon on Friday.

At that luncheon, our Governor rocked the house - he compared climate change to Saturday Night Fever. In his awesome Austrian accent, he says "You know, we need to make green hip. We need to do for green what Saturday Night Fever did for disco. How many discotheques were built all across America after that film? And what I did for bodybuilding - now weightlifting is everywhere you go. And this was all without government."

Tony Blair followed up with, "I never thought I'd hear the words 'climate change' and 'Saturday Night Fever' used in one sentence."

Also speaking there, Tom Friedman knocked the socks off everyone. Not only did he equate the pace of freedom and the price of oil in an inverse relationship, he made this point on youth involvement - "Yeah, I'm all for grassroots, and online stuff, but what you really need to do is get out of Facebook and get in someone's face!"

There are so many amazing, inspiring stories I could share. One of the things that struck me the most is that these things happen every day. There are people out there working tirelessly to fight for the cause that they're passionate about, to improve the world I live in without even knowing me, and getting together and coming up with brilliant ideas and only a few are household names - but all of us together influence the world. The world is made up of such tiny, tiny parts, and only by bonding all of them and all of the people in them together will we ever be able to say "we stopped climate change." Sometimes, people get the idea that politicians are cold-hearted, what do they care about anything past the next election? Well, what I saw at the conference was the direct opposite. They were talking about long-term goals, pushing and inspiring each other.

Everyone will be needed in this fight: the politicians, the engineers, the teachers, the students. Everyone. I was glad to be a learner at this conference, spreading the word that high school students are trying to do our part, too. Shreya and I hope that next year, we'll come back and be able to show everyone our progress to date and that high school students are necessary to the movement - without us, nothing will be achieved. Civil rights? Hip hop? Climate change. We are among the people right now with the most at stake - the politicians will be gone before the worst hits us.

Chatima Tova

2009-09-28T21:03:00.000-07:00

I realized why fasting is so important to religions across the board: every time you are hungry, every second of the day, you think of God. Today, I completed my first ever 24 hour fast for Yom Kippur [I've tried and failed before], and I was happy. By the end of the day, I didn't even feel hungry. I felt strong, and thankful that I do not have to do this by circumstance every day, unlike so many other people. Humans are fragile physically, but also less so mentally than we think.

:) :) :)

2009-09-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

Whenever you doubt, don't. Just assure yourself that everything will work out!!
:) No one understands the workings of life while they go on, but when it's in the past, you can realize that LIFE IS GOOD. :) In a very optimistic mood. Something that was HELLLA stressing me out has just come to a resolution, and I breathed the largest sigh of relief known to man. :) :) :)

Lovely Words

2009-09-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

Heart-shaped post-its = a growing cloud of wisdom on my wall!

"Never gonna find the perfect rhyme for 'heavier things'..." - John Mayer

"The only people for me are the MAD ones..." - Jack Kerouac

"Rule one: never let a crisis go to waste.
They are opportunities to do big things."
- Rahm Emanuel

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyways." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dreams will never die."
- Senator Ted Kennedy

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."
- Lance Armstrong

"All you need is love!" - The Beatles

"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." - Benjamin Franklin

"There is NO excuse for not trying." - Barack Obama

"Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down." - Ray Bradbury

"Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?" - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Happy girls are the prettiest." - Audrey Hepburn

"Keep calm and carry on." - British Ministry of Information, WWII

"If you have to tell someone how bad you want it, then you haven't shown them how hard you already work for it."
- @johncmayer

When I need to, I try to look to this wall of smart people and listen.

Ultimately,

2009-09-19T14:23:00.000-07:00

It does not matter what anyone thinks of your life but you. :)

Sometimes

2009-09-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

I just want to skip school and skip life and just go I don't know go lie on the beach and do freaking nothing. I hate this. This being a HELL of a lot of homework. And we haven't even hit the hardest part of the year, or of high school, yet. Why am I not man enough for this.

Funny realization

2009-09-13T19:31:00.001-07:00

I think I could never like a guy whose musical taste I didn't respect.

2009-09-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

After a long weekend away from water polo, diving into the pool was akin to navigating a pool of jello. Chlorine-flavored, gelatin free. Yum.

Actually, the whole day seemed to have a thin layer of blur over it. I had three hours of sleep before waking up to pack my bags in San Diego and getting over to the airport for our allegedly early morning flight. Due to a maintenance problem, that 6:18 flight became a 10:00 one, and arriving at school for most of my classes became attending only one.

After that lone class and practice, two friends and I went to ambush another of our friends with a miniature surprise birthday party at her house. To me, it was really fun, the quirkily charming kind of thing you see in movies. Dancing in the middle of the street and being told to be quiet by a little neighbor child and eating our food on the driveway because we were locked out of the house. Making udon in a wok brought especially because "white people don't own woks."

Now, I am starting on my homework and just wanted to pause to say words. Southern California is so different and seems so much more homogeneous than the North, baby, and I wouldn't live anywhere else but here despite the abundance of palm trees and Quiksilver stores down there. No matter how much I complain about traveling with my parents, I love them. I cannot wait for my independence. Life is too short to sleep too much, so when you consider your priorities, put it at the bottom. Read the SkyMall catalogs, and go for the surprise birthday parties even when you have to study for AP Euro at which you are currently getting your ass kicked. Wow, and try to construct your sentences and blog posts awkwardly and randomly.

Those, my friends, are the words. Good night.

My Stupid Mouth - John Mayer

2009-08-31T21:02:00.000-07:00

My stupid mouth,
Has got me in trouble.
I said too much again.
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see she was offended.
She said well anyway...
Just dying for a subject change.

Oh, its another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said think before speaking
No filter in my head.
Oh, whats a boy to do?
I guess he better find one soon

We bit our lips. she looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the
Salt and pepper shaker.
And I could see clearly
An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good, what just
Slipped out and what went wrong.

Oh, the way she feels about me has changed.
Thanks for playing, try again.

How could I forget?

Mama said think before speaking
No filter in my head.
Oh, whats a boy to do?
I guess he better find one.

Im never speaking up again. it only hurts me.
Id rather be a mystery than she desert me.

Oh Im never speaking up again.
Starting now

One more thing.
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But its all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked, I just wanna be funny.
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire

Im never speaking up again it only hurts me.
Id rather be a mystery than she desert me.

Oh Im never speaking up again
Starting now

Remember this, if nothing else:

2009-08-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

NEVER give up.
NEVER back down.
NEVER be anyone but yourself.

Ah, the mystery

2009-08-30T23:38:00.000-07:00

You pass the average Joe on the sidewalk. In public, he coughs when you're smoking and chews cinnamon gum. In private, among friends, he sings Italian opera to the accompaniment of his girlfriend who is a professional violinist.

You bump into a guy with gray hair at the cash register. He looks kind of harried. You bet he's late to work. Instead, he's late to a meeting about the final-final-(well, he hopes it's final) draft of his book, about to be #12 on Amazon best-selling list in about 22 days.

A woman whose bag you deem 'ugly' spends her time as an auto mechanic, and writes a blog about Vuitton. She has 389 followers. She can repair a car better than her male coworkers.

You're walking down the street. What is important about you that people don't know if they just look at you? Does what they see even give a hint of it?

Biography-stalking

2009-08-27T22:50:00.001-07:00

"RULE ONE: Never waste a crisis. They are opportunities to do big things." - Rahm Emanuel

Few people I know have heard of him, but he is Obama's ferocious White House Chief of Staff.
He comes from a family of 3 powerful brothers: Zeke Emanuel is a top bioethicist for the government, Ari Emanuel is a famous Hollywood agency founder who has a character on Entourage modeled after him (Ari Gold), and Rahm himself: he also allegedly has his own character on The West Wing (Josh Lyman).

He worked on Bill Clinton's campaign and has been credited with raising an extra million dollars that helped them ride out scandals to a successful election. He was in the House of Representatives. Trained in ballet in high school. Sent a rotting fish in the mail to a pollster he fought with.

Yes, that's right. His mom even calls him "Rahmbo". He's intense, apparently can do ANYTHING he wants to - whether through intimidation, cajoling, smooth-talking, whatever. He's got the guts, the intensity, the reputation, the skill. He's Jewish. He was in Chicago politics, through which he became good friends with David Axelrod, who passed him on to Obama. He stabbed a steak knife into a table after listing off names of perceived enemies during a Clinton celebration dinner, shouting "Dead!". Apparently he's mellowed out lately, but he still swears a lot. He sends cheesecakes to people he wants to be nice to.

Go read about him. He's a fascinating guy. Even if you disapprove of his violent, brash, bullying style... you've got to admit, the man's pretty beast.

Is it right to be inspired by such an extreme character? Although I probably wouldn't go as far as death-threatening at a dinner, it must be useful to be so bold and put yourself out there and attack all of your goals so fiercely.

Stream of Consciousness

2009-08-26T20:27:00.001-07:00

Love and hate together
Make "too late"
A second hand is a fine line, isn't it?
Good thing it's hard to catch up with
But too bad it runs away from you so fast
----------------------
I once read this quote that goes something like, if we all found out that we only have one day left to live, all the telephone booths of the world would be filled with people stammering they loved someone. It doesn't have to be about love, but free speech doesn't seem so free.
----------------------
Oh, Ford, I already feel like I want another summer.
Why can't I stop procrastinating?!
----------------------
I am so stressed right now and school has barely begun

Where is this taking us?

2009-08-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

Where is life going?
It crawls, it creeps, you look back and it's gone
What am I going to DO?
What is RIGHT?
What is SUPPOSED TO BE?
What is... what I want? What I need? How big is the margin of error on that?
Can I get either of those things?
Will I regret missing the other billions of possibilities no matter what I choose?
How does one choose?
When to choose?
What to DO?
How to ACT?
What to THINK?
WHERE is this all headed?
WHY?
p.s. this is not supposed to be a poem in case you were wondering

Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

2009-08-24T20:43:00.001-07:00

"A girl wants a Romeo, not a Hamlet."

HAHAHA.

Can't Sleep (of course!)

2009-08-23T23:11:00.000-07:00

I am very, very happy for tomorrow -- matriculation. There are going to be a lot of crazy and intense things going on in sophomore year, but what happens will happen. I will do my best in everything I take on, but forgive myself for the mistakes that I am bound to make. I will try to stop procrastinating (ha!) and work harder, but I will avoid burnout by remembering to have fun. Above all, I will remember who I am and what I want and try to align my self-perception with how others perceive me. Honestly, I have no idea how that works, but who says life can't be trial and error? This blog is part of that, I suppose. Can't wait to see all of my friends at school! I missed you. :) Now, what I am not looking forward to is school pictures...

List Love

2009-08-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

Things that are easy to do on the internet:
1. Lie.
2. Tell the truth when you're scared to do it in person. Good or bad thing?
3. Stalk people.
4. Be distracted for hours and hours and hours and feel productive.

What I'm looking forward to in sophomore year:
1. Being with my friends every day again!
2. Working on this damned environmental grant. Scares the hell out of me. But I'm excited for it.
3. Improving as a goalie in water polo, even though I'm scared of the ball as chucked by the beast varsity players.
4. Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully becoming a better journalistic writer. Epic-column-fail.
5. Having the experience of freshman year behind me to tell me not to stay up until 4 in the morning ever again.
6. Savoring the last year of underclassman-ship! Every day counts.
7. Basically, eradicating all of my awkwardness, fears, and insecurities in favor of being confident and being able to say that I gave everything my undisputed all.

Things I wish I was eating right now:
1. "Colorado Lamb Sugo with Fresh Pappardelle, Oregano, Wild Mushrooms, Dry Cured Olives, Caciocavello Cheese and Fried Bread Gremolata" from Luna Park in San Francisco. It's basically the most amazing pasta with stewed lamb that all melts in your mouth and makes you curse the unspoken social etiquette that prevents you from licking plates in public. All for $16. Go there.
2. The Lokelani tomatoes served fresh at Merriman's on the Big Island.
3. Truffled Mac and Cheese from the Village Bistro on Santana Row.
4. A big, big bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Come over and eat some food. I want to cook something and no one eats in my household. No joke.

Good night! Have a nice life!

Quote of the Year: Friedrich Nietzsche!

2009-08-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

"Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?"

Advocacy for Narcissism

2009-08-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

But I told them I would do it.

Will he regret having taken me on as a volunteer?

Well... I could squeeze it all in if I try really hard.

Sometimes, thoughts like these plague my mind.
In the last week of summer, I theoretically have several doctors' appointments, ad-selling, volunteering from 9-4 everyday, water polo from 2-5 every day, summer reading, AP French review, quality time with the grandparents, and a hopeful last hurrah. And I am sick.

I've been basically agreeing to do it all... dreading it. There are not many compromises available - if I quit volunteering, what will the coordinator think? I told them I could come for 3 weeks, not just 2. If I say I cannot play water polo until I am better, what will my team and coach think? Well, I'll know - they'll be rather angry.

But - this is the last week of summer. The last week of my summer. And sometimes, you have to have enough confidence and common sense to take care of your own well-being before caring about the opinions of anyone else. Honestly, you know what's best for you. How will it help anybody if you are unhappy with what's going on in your life, because you were busy walking on eggshells instead of making a change?

So, tomorrow, I am going to the JCC after an ortho appointment, asking to have my hours for the last 2 weeks signed, explaining that I have chosen water polo for now ("maybe I'll see you next year"), and leaving.

I am also going to the doctor and will follow his recommendations about water polo. Last year, I caught a cold during the season and I honestly feel like it stuck around with me for months. I don't need a repeat performance.

I will spend my days selling ads for the newspaper, cleaning up my room, soaking up the last rays of sunshine with my friends, and hopefully hopping in the pool. Whatever I do, I will make the days long and beautiful in my own way.

Shocking things that the human mind can do:

2009-08-13T20:50:00.001-07:00

1. Make up complex circumstances to explain very simple realities.
2. Forget past pain in order to work for future happiness.
3. Forgive people who have wronged it.
4. Hold a grudge with the same, enduring sentiment of anger for years.
5. Keep everything inside so as to protect others from itself.

How to Drive

2009-08-09T23:27:00.000-07:00

Spend one hour in an unusually "crowded" parking lot on a Saturday at 9 in the morning with your father. Spend about 20 minutes adjusting your mirrors and inwardly freaking out. Spend the remaining 40 driving in circles, rarely hitting the gas (who knew the car moves when you take your foot off the brake?), and practicing 3-point turns that look more like 6-pointers. Hand over hand to turn the wheel, remember that. And, oh my gosh, there's a car in the distance! Be careful not to hit it from 50 feet away.

Then, after you feel sufficiently over-excited by the prospect of having sat at the wheel in an office complex, drive for a couple of minutes on a normal street. Empty, but promising... especially when you are due to have a near miss with a car at a four-way intersection. Hey, when are there ever so many cars out so early on a regular weekend? I mean, you clearly have a purpose to be on the road.

Finally, get in the car with the passenger-side brake for a real two-hour lesson with your driving instructor. Try not to cough openly at the smoke-scented seats. Wonder where you're going as you keep driving straight away from your house, and try not to clench the wheel too hard at stoplights. Remember to smile. It keeps you relaxed. Or at least that's what the instructor says. "See you next Saturday!"

Marilyn Monroe

2009-08-04T20:44:00.001-07:00

"I am not interested in money, I just want to be wonderful."

First Day Awkwardness

2009-08-03T18:45:00.000-07:00

I am a naturally awkward person. Although movie script moments occasionally give me hope, I am still enough of a failure for the real world.

Whenever I go into something with new people, such as my first day of volunteering at the JCC today, I try to push myself into being more social, louder, less shy. A lot of my friends say that I am by no means quiet, but you'd be surprised when I'm around strangers.

So, today, I awkwardly shadowed a counselor and a couple of CITs at the JCC day camp, not having the red staff t-shirt, only starting on the last session of the summer, having had no advance warning of what I was going to do, and not knowing anybody or anything at all. I didn't even pack a lunch with me, and I was completely overdressed. I got a lot of weird glances and "who is that?"s all day.

The good part is that I was with a group of 5 year-olds, who can make anything not awkward - it's their first day of camp, so they don't think anything weird's going on. A couple quotes:

"What's a way to be good for the environment?" [counselor]
"Don't glitter!" [camper]

"What kind of pet dinosaur do you have?" [counselor]
"I have a T-Rex and a Tyrannosaurus Rex!" [camper]

"What's a rule we have in the cabin [group]?" [counselor]
"No kissing!" [camper]

Haha, they are so adorable and they make me laugh and by the end of the day they were climbing on top of me and holding my hand and asking me to be there for free swim tomorrow.
Despite how out-of-place I felt today, it's those things that make me want to come back. One more day of shadowing (and I get a red staff shirt tomorrow!), and then I get placed under another counselor where I'll be the only CIT in the group!

"I'm a CUB... hear me roar!"

Oh, and the JCC is a great place. When people pass each other, they actually smile... It's the first thing I noticed and the first place I've noticed it at in a while.

Lessons from Camp

2009-07-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

1. Anything you do or dream, you can
Begin it, just begin it
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

2. "Go as far as you can see. When you get there, you can see farther."

3. "It's a once-in-a-chance lifetime!"

4. "Think graceful thoughts!" [And it's ok if you end up being "as graceful as a swan with one wing."]

5. Sometimes, training your body to overcome physical obstacles, like in Parkour [go Youtube it], makes you aware of the mental obstacles that go along with it. And so you feel twice as proud when you overcome both! "The more we sweat in training, the less we bleed in battle."/Old warriors' saying

6. "You should be so sure that you're doing the right thing with your life that if today was your last day on Earth, you'd just keep on with what you're doing" - loosely paraphrased from a counselor on the bus home.

7. "All you need is love.... love is all you need." - The Beatles

8. Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold. A circle's round, it has no end, and that's how long I want to be your friend.

9. In your life right now, you're not waiting for the real world to happen. Real life doesn't start after high school or college or after you're famous or after you have your own clinical practice or after you cut your hair. Real life is now. It's this minute and this second. Make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about the past. Take a step or a jump or a leap! It's all in the same direction - forward.

I really, really, really love summer camp.

Scratch my last post about changing my life. It sounded way too depressed and melodramatic. Life is good. We'll see what happens.

Tweet of the day!

2009-07-09T11:57:00.001-07:00

@johncmayer If you have to tell someone how bad you want it, then you haven't shown them how hard you already work for it.

Writer's Block? Life-er's Block.

2009-07-08T19:56:00.001-07:00

This is the first thought I have felt any need to write about in a while, due to some unusual writer's block:

I want to completely change my life. ASAP.

Every couple of years, I have what I suppose adults call a mid-life crisis. "My life is boring. The walls are boring. The sky is boring. Why can't I do this? I wish I could do that." Etc, etc, etc. Complain, complain, be aggravated, a little jaded, and throw in a pinch of hopeless.

I guess some of the acridity comes from the end to freshman year. I didn't especially like the way it turned out. I'm not satisfied with what I did, because I did not work as hard as I should. Instead, I slacked off a lot... Believe me, I enjoyed it! And who knows? Maybe pushing myself academically and into doing more stuff would have just accelerated the burn-out I felt after April. But maybe it would have given me more a stronger sense that I fulfilled what I rightly or wrongly think is my potential. I'm going to definitely put more intensity into sophomore year, but I'm not going to talk academics in July. I'm writing about the other side of it today.

The past few times this has happened, some of the things I have done include:
Going vegetarian (lasted 6 months); Dying my hair several times (highlights, highlights again, black, back to brown); Redecorating my room (new wall color, new furniture, the whole thing).
For about 6 months, I tried to unsuccessfully convince my parents to move to Australia. At another time, I think it was in 8th grade, I was on the brink of convincing them I should go to boarding school.

At some point, everything gets stale. You're stuck - in the same place, with your family, with your friends, with your school, with EXPECTATIONS, with rules, etc. There's not much control we have, as "young adults," over our own lives - face it. "Hey, I need a break from all this studying crap. Let's hop on a plane to Aruba!" Uh-huh. Sure.

True - we don't work jobs. We don't pay bills. We don't have the responsibilities of adult life, so why do I even think about having the freedom of it? Because it's part of growing up and doing that whole cliché journey of "figuring out who you are." Although, I really think "your self" is something you have the power to mold rather than stumble upon like a pebble in your path.

There is a bubble of things I control in my life, though. I need to pick an area that feels wrong to me and make it right. I need to set some LIFE GOALS, determine the values that will guide me, and take action. But what will I do?

This Sunday I'm going to sleepaway camp. It's my 5th year there, and I love it from the depths of my heart. It's an amazing place, smack in the middle of nature, with the kind of ideal, small community that can only be described as a utopia. Every year, it has kind of refreshed me and given me a chance to think and learn a lot. I hope I'll find an answer there. If not, the saga will continue in August... haha.

Step one - acknowledge that you have a problem - accomplished.

This is perhaps overdue from July 1, since I usually am obsessed with beginnings for thought processes like this. One week later, I've got it all out here.

If you have any ideas of what I should do or anything at all, comment away.

Winston Churchill

2009-06-27T18:30:00.001-07:00

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

Sad Sad Love

2009-06-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

i told you i would like nyc better on the second day. i love it
in a strange way
i know i'll end up here eventually temporarily
because it's beautiful even in the haze and gross steaming manholes
because it's the people who are beautiful, or at least transfixing
you can look up at the skyscrapers or straight ahead of you at the faces
just don't look at the ground, but you shouldn't be doing that anyway when you're in a new place

Waiting, Waiting

2009-06-21T19:49:00.000-07:00

I am definitely making premature assumptions, considering we got to NYC at 8 AM and it's 11 PM. However, there is no large windowsill for me to sit on, stare at the busy ruins of the World Trade Center, be hypnotized by the city lights. The crazy schemes of the two trips before are no longer in motion... the friend that has been with me is not here. It feels like nothing, compared to the bubbling anticipation and amazement with which I walked down the streets before. Now, it's raining. And I have basically been awake for 36 hours.

But... my first CSPA class at Columbia today was rather interesting. We did this personality profile exercise where we had ten minutes without question preparation time to interrogate a complete stranger about their lives, and now I'm writing up a short article about it, due tomorrow morning. I am really bad at public speaking, so I'm sure I was red, red, red as I talked about my partner... and his 6th grade Scrabble championships (haha, pretty cool)... but I'm looking forward to the rest of the classes. It's intense, but I need to learn this stuff. I want to learn it!

After all, I did promise I would be more gregarious in talking to strangers this summer. ;) When will I see any of these people again?

New York City still has time to be magical. Lots of time, because I'm still waiting and willing for it to hit me. I'm sure it will.

Yeah, I'm gonna

2009-06-19T17:37:00.000-07:00

write 3 columns this summer. Who cares if I actually submit them or if I'll be an actual columnist or whatnot considering my considerable lack of writing voice, but I've been telling myself I'd do it forever and it's time to get it together.

What I want to do is

2009-06-18T16:21:00.001-07:00

Remind you that life isn't an obligation to anyone or anything but ourselves, and it's not an obligation anyways and it's not a gift; it's only a chance. So basically, you owe yourself to try. Don't be afraid, don't be apathetic, and just go love or hate something or make something else happen.

Hypocrisy disclaimer: Much easier said than done! But where's the fun in making it easy?

Best ever sentence found in a newspaper

2009-06-18T15:47:00.001-07:00

"The city has a reputation of leaning so far to the left that it's at risk of falling into the Pacific."
- The Merc, today, about San Francisco

Made me laugh out loud!!

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THINGS HOLY.

2009-06-17T16:15:00.001-07:00

We got the grant!! Well, $5000 of it, but HELL TO THE YEAH!!!!!
Now we have money to start a community-organic-student-serving garden, install Echelon smart meters in about a 1/4 of classrooms, do some outreach activities, and use heat-reflective window film in that building that starts with an S to reduce energy costs. I am HELLA scared of the work that we've gotten ourselves into but I have LITERALLY been JUMPING UP AND DOWN in my house for the last 10 minutes, blasting the happiest music I have, BECAUSE WE DID IT MOFOS.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
carbon challenge club ftw

wow i think i'm high on the sharpies that i used to make that t-shirt... NOT. i'm just extremely ecstatic.

Wordboner.com makes my life

2009-06-17T14:14:00.001-07:00

29 reminders

2009-06-17T13:26:00.001-07:00

I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person. I am a happy person.

Perfect moments #1

2009-06-16T23:15:00.000-07:00

Standing atop the mountain in Gruyeres, alone, seeing what seemed like the whole of beautiful, green Switzerland surrounded by mountains and incomprehensibly feeling that everything is perfect.

Swiss Storytime

2009-06-16T06:12:00.000-07:00

Hellloooo west coast! I am rather happy to be finished with the excruciating return journey, which was funny/scary due to several transportation delays, but I wish I was still back there in Switzerland! I don't even know how how to talk about the whole trip, but I will start by pulling out a couple random examples from my new stash of stories. :)

Embarrassing story:
On the first night we arrived, my Swiss buddy Noëlla took me and my friend Neha, who was also staying with us because of some rooming issues, to a huge once-a-year neighborhood party. At which all of the Swiss German community from where she lives "celebrates" a daytime rifle competition into the late, late night. In German. With lots of drinking. Meeting all of her friends was interesting but rather awkward, as evidenced by a particular encounter with a redhead guy. He takes several steps forward until he's really close, with the side of his face facing me, and with my tired brain all I can think of is to duck! I basically totally avoid him and look super confused while everyone laughs hysterically. The thing is, you're supposed to do the "bises" - three cheek airkiss things as a greeting for about anyone! AAAH it was soooo horrible and the poor guy looked so confused by my sudden spazz. The only justification I can think of for my weirdness is that I thought he was going to "greet" Neha first. Haha, I still cringe at the memory.

Funny story:
Noëlla's house has a bunch of open, green fields nearby it - this countryside-type look makes Switzerland super beautiful overall. There are also some cows nearby, fenced in by a low wire fence. I wanted to pet a cow one day - they are so cute!!, so I approached it, and it started coming nearer. I reached my hand out, only for the cow to back away. Dropping my hand down in disappointment, I couldn't immediately register what happened when I felt a bizarre jolt through my elbow and shoulder and then the rest of me and heard a buzzy crack... I only started jumping up and down waving my arm and cursing! Then, I started laughing sooo hard... "Oh my God... I just got shocked by an electric cow fence!"

Swiss List #1: The Amazing Food of Switzerland
1. Fondue! Duh. They eat it with only bread and boiled potatoes. It's amazing. I have a hilarious story related to fondue. The video Neha took might be Facebooked soon.
2. A lot of the food we ate for dinner featured stuff from Noëlla's garden! Apples, jam, little potatoes, strawberries, mint.... so wonderful and tasty.
3. CHOCOLATE. I could eat it all day every day. So creamy and delicious.
4. Cheese, of course. One of my favorite group visits was to Gruyere, where we saw a cheese-making demo that made me want to be an old-fashioned cheese-maker in my life and tasted two varieties that were delicioso.
5. Several crepes, although it's not the main Swiss food. Strawberry, banana, chocolate crepe by the lakeside in Lucerne was beautiful in so many ways. :)
6. EVERYTHING TASTES BETTER IN EUROPE. No joke.

:(

2009-06-13T16:14:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, I don't know what to say for what I say. I am a horrible person.

QuickQuickQuick

2009-06-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

I have been officially awake for 30 hours, not counting my halfhour nap on the bus.
Today, I went to a chocolate factory and it was pretty awesome.
I am addicted to my one John Mayer playlist on my iPod.
I have to go to a sleepover right now and tomorrow were going on a boat trip and an outing and whatnot.
Being a teenager is more fun in Switzerland. :)

ACK

2009-06-05T00:58:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired of these stupid posts like the "looking forward to in Switzerland" one, because, although it's all true, it's not the most important thing.
snarglebargle
When will I decide it's time to say it all out loud.

I <3 you all, people of the universe. I'll update en Suisse if I can.

What I'm Looking Forward to in Switzerland

2009-06-04T22:31:00.000-07:00

1. Eating the best cheese and chocolate in the world!

2. Staying in my buddy's house, with another American person. :) I'm really excited to stay with my buddy, but I'm also really excited to hang out with my friend.

3. Getting distracted from the online world [95% of the time]. I've been spending waaaaay too much time blogging, chatting, etc.

4. Being in Europe for the first time for the sake of it! Great way to start my first "high school summer."

5. Being a stalker with my other friend. We have a complicated shoot-and-run scheme... camera shooting, though...

6. Attempting to speak French and seeing if it actually works for me. :)

7. <3!

Right now, again, 10:30 PM the night before and I haven't started packing. WHEN. Oh, WHEN will I learn?! I think never. Teehee.

Famous people might be more helpful

2009-06-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

"You can spend, minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened - or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on." - Tupac

"Pain throws your heart to the ground/ love turns the whole thing around/no it won't all come the way it should/but I know the heart of life is good." - John Mayer

Please don't go all the way with this crazy idea you've hatched. You think I can't sympathize, can't know how you feel at all, right? I would venture that 90% of people understand it, because it's not a singular experience. It's not a unique way to retreat either: it's just a more... self-perpetuating one. Because when you completely sever yourself from the sadness, you'll never feel the real happiness again either. Things go hand in hand, you've got to learn to deal with them both. Pain makes love/sadness makes happiness taste so much sweeter. Take everything while it lasts, then - in the words of my good friends, Tupac and John Mayer, of course- move the fuck on, because I know love HURTS but it also HEALS.

Sorry for being such a drama queen. Just sayin'.

Sometimes I like being sad.

2009-06-02T21:34:00.001-07:00

I listen to purposely sad songs to think about the things I want to get through my head but can't very easily. I could just as easily switch on a happy song and feel happy again, so it shows the shallowness what I feel, no?

Pressure Suit - Aqualung

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your parachute

This isn't the whole thing.

2009-06-01T18:04:00.000-07:00

AAH. I've literally re-written this post so many times. I can't convey my meaning. The thought hit me on the plane in a drowsy stupor and I knew I should have written it down. I guess I'm working with a list [haha just like someone else's blog...] :

Things I Understood at MSU.

Major sleep deprivation training. I practically twitched before I fell asleep for a luxurious six hours last night after three consecutive nights of three. But it was worth it.

I hate dances. For real.

I enjoy being happy. And that's what I am, and that's what I will be.

Sometimes, you realize that you completely didn't learn your lesson the first time. And it's a good thing. At other times, you wish you really did.

There's only one thing to do now - stake it out. That's okay. I get it. It's chill.

My new friend's cool. I never tell people things, the things that matter. Honestly. But, she knows a lot of it now, and she comes back with good words that are true and understanding. She has cool mustache band-aids and always some kid in her and a similar obsession with John Mayer and something that compels you to trust her - because it's clearly worth it. Thank you. :)

I took a lot of time to just think and wrap my head around things I kind of avoid because I don't know how to answer them. Although I'm still worrying as of now, in the moment of the conversation, I felt placid [lol vocab word] and like the whole thing was so clear. The remembrance of that feeling will keep me from being rash and stupid.

I will not be scared of smiling at random people.

Yeah, you with the face - I don't like you very much right now.

Life is kind of harder and more bitter than I thought, but also better and sweeter than I could have ever imagined. Bittersweet. :) Just like the chocolate.

True that.

2009-06-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

"Instead of putting something on, open something up." - Acting tip on the theater arts room wall

FML

2009-05-29T09:49:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had 3 hours of sleep with no covers. Froze to death. Bloodshot eyes. But this trip is fun.

Smile Flu

2009-05-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

There's something as contagious as swine flu out there: it's smiling.
Even if you're just strolling along super unhappy with life because (gasp!) you "epic failed" your test, but you force yourself to keep your head up and smile along the way to your next class, you find yourself in a slightly more positive state of mind, even if it's from laughing at yourself from smiling. And others smile back at you. It's been proven that the physical action of pulling your mouth wider triggers certain psychological reactions associated with happiness. Whenever you think you can't do something, or don't feel a certain way, act like you were a person who did that sort of thing. For public speaking, take a deep breath and act - pretend - that you are a confident, pro, amazing speech giver. To talk to someone new, yeah, that's right, you are the coolest, most interesting person in the world. I've read and heard a lot about "living the life you envision" or "thinking your way into something," and I find it quite intriguing.

Now, I'm off to the state of automobiles for a school competition. :) I'll be back on Sunday night!